smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
