if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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