Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry pioneerdj hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth

Fav 54 926 10663
share tweet
(310): View more from California

once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

Fav 36 1129 9968
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.

Fav 16 1328 4364
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

Fav 29 6843 3123
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."

Fav 7 972 3356
share tweet
(714): View more from California

The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.

Fav 16 1272 3007
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?

Fav 5 2788 839
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours

Fav 1 727 438
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(802): View more from Vermont

I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".

Fav 0 60 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT