Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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