Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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