Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
