I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
