Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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