I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
