the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
