you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
