your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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