she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
