And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
