Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
