That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
