I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
