So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize