Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
