Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
