I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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