I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize