and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
