You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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