it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
