Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
