I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
