oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you win again, gameday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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