When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
