sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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