she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
