Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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