yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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