If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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