Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
