I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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