That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
