Just fell off a train. Bad.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
