I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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