Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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