Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need water and some morals
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
