It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
