She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
