She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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