I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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