It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
