We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
