its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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