Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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