i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was confusing and full of hummus
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
