he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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