those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Congratulations! We have a period
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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