SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
