I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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