Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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