Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
