so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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