who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
