I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
