Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
