When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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