We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
