I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize