That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
