i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
