I cut my penus on the lid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
