The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize