U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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