Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
