just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
