Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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