The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
