I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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