toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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