i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
