that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
