coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
