i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
