but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
