Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
