I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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